Courage


It's curious what takes courage and what doesn't. When I step out on stage in front of thousands of
people, I don't feel that I'm being brave. It can take much more courage to express true feelings to
one person. When I think of courage, I think of the Cowardly Lion in The Wizard of Oz. He was
always running away from danger. He often cried and shook with fear. But he was also sharing
his real feelings with those he loved, even though he didn't always like those feelings. 

That takes real courage, the courage to be intimate. Expressing your feelings is not the same as
falling apart in front of someone else -- it's being accepting and true to your heart, whatever it
may say. When you have the courage to be intimate, you know who you are, and you're willing to
let others see that. It's scary, because you feel so vulnerable, so open to rejection. But without
self-acceptance, the other kind of courage, the kind heroes show in movies, seems hollow. In spite
of the risks, the courage to be honest and intimate opens the way to self-discovery. It offers what
we all want, the promise of love. 


Love


Love is a funny thing to describe. It's so easy to feel and yet so slippery to talk about. It's like a bar
of soap in the bathtub -- you have it in your hand until you hold on too tight. 

Some people spend their lives looking for love outside themselves. They think they have to grasp it
in order to have it. But loves slips away like that wet bar of soap. 

Holding on to love is not wrong, but you need to learn to hold it lightly, caressingly. Let it fly when
it wants. When it's allowed to be free, love is what makes life alive, joyful, and new. It's the juice
and energy that motivates my music, my dancing, everything. As long as love is in my heart, it's
everywhere. 


Magic


My idea of magic doesn't have much to do with stage tricks and illusions. The whole world
abounds in magic. When a whale plunges out of the sea like a newborn mountain, you gasp in
unexpected delight. What magic! But a toddler who sees his first tadpole flashing in a mud puddle
feels the same thrill. Wonder fills his heart, because he has glimpsed for an instant the playfulness
of life. 

When I see the clouds whisked away from a snow-capped peak, I feel like shouting, "Bravo!"
Nature, the best of all magicians, has delivered another thrill. She has exposed the real illusion,
our inability to be amazed by her wonders. Every time the sun rises, Nature is repeating one
command: "Behold!" Her magic is infinitely lavish, and in return all we have to do is appreciate it. 

What delight Nature must feel when she makes stars out of swirling gas and empty space. She
flings them like spangles from a velvet cape, a billion reasons for us to awaken in pure joy. When
we open our hearts and appreciate all she has given us, Nature finds her reward. The sound of
applause rolls across the universe, and she bows. 

- Dancing The Dream, Michael Jackson

The Cat only grinned when it saw Alice. It looked good-natured, she thought: still it had very long claws and a great many teeth, so she felt that it ought to be treated with respect.

"Cheshire-Puss," she began, rather timidly, as she did not at all know whether it would like the name: however, it only grinned a little wider. "Come, it's pleased so far," thought Alice, and she went on. " Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"
"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.
"I don't much care where - " said Alice.
"Then it doesn't matter which way you go," said the Cat.

" - so long as I get somewhere," Alice added as an explanation.
"Oh, you're sure to do that," said the Cat, "if you only walk long enough."
Alice felt that this could not be denied, so she tried another question. "What sort of people live about here?"
"In that direction," the Cat said, waving its right paw round, "lives a Hatter: and in that direction," waving the other paw, "lives a March Hare. Visit either you like: they're both mad."

"But I don't want to go among mad people," Alice remarked.
"Oh, you ca' n't help that," said the Cat: "we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad"
"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.
"You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."

Alice didn't think that proved it at all: however, she went on: "And how do you know that you're mad?"
"To begin with," said the Cat, "a dog's not mad. You grant that?"
"I suppose so," said Alice.
"Well, then," the Cat went on, "you see a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased. Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad."

"I call it purring, not growling," said Alice.
"Call it what you like," said the Cat. "Do you play croquet with the Queen to-day?"
"I should like it very much," said Alice, "but I haven't been invited yet."
"You'll see me there," said the Cat, and vanished.

I watched the Butterfly Effect on Monday. I got one word to descibe that show. Stunning. Yes it was absolutely stunning. It's about a guy who grew up while experiencing a childhood filled with instances of memories that seem to disappear into a void of oblivion without any rhyme nor reason at all. His mother sent him to a phychiatrist who advised him to write a journal to keep track of the things happening to him to see if it helped to jog his memory.

When he became an adult, he read the journal that he had been keeping all along and found out all of a sudden that he could recall from the page he was reading the part of his life where his memory of it seems to have disappeared. Actually, it was much more than that, he found himself transported back to that very moment in the past to re-experience it once again in a dream-like yet vivid state. He was shocked and accidentally burnt himself with the cigarette which fell out of his gaping mouth as he stared out of his past/present eyes. Then he was abruptly transported back to the present and to his unbelievable awe, he saw that the part of his body that was burnt had formed a new scare which he never had before. He realised that he had just unexplicable managed to alter the past. Ok the rest is for you to go and watch if you really want to find out.

I can really identify with this movie. In fact, it's been a long time since I watched a movie that I could really identify with. I think everybody should watch this movie. It would make them cherish life alot more. People would treasure their present and what effect it would have on their future. There is no way to alter the past although many people wish it was possible for them to do so. But I found out that I could do something that I never thought of before.

In reality, there is no way we could possibly go back to the past and alter it. There were situations in my life where something really terrible happened and as a result, some highly undesirable change took place which cannot be reversed or is seemingly impossible to reverse in all natural means. But whatever it was, I felt that I had lost some part of me or the person that I was before it happened and now I was different and could never be the same person again. As if I am now a deteoriated version of my former self and that was my destiny for life, one filled with gloom and dismay, dark clouds that seemed locked for eternity.

I always felt that if only those changes could be reversed, then only could I be my full authentic self. I felt like I could never be the best that I could be and all that I could be. If only I could go back to the past and prevent those things from happpening, those changes would never have happened and the course of my life would be very much different. All these years, I've lived in a partially seperated state. Like an incomplete jigsaw puzzle whose missing piece can never be found.

After watching the butterfly effect, I decided that if I could not go back into the past, then I might as well do the laterally opposite, I could bring the part of me, the person that I am which was left behind when those undesirable changes occured back to the present. I could pull myself back from the past and place it right here right now and all the qualities that was lost with it as well. All of a sudden, I felt as though the image of my shadow had returned once again. Something which I never thought was possible. But I had no choice, I wanted myself back, so this is what I did and now hey hey, I am ME once again. Although that version of myself still does not and cannot really accept the state of my present physical being right now, I purposely hold on to it with my newfound soulish realm, therefore it seems like an entity oscillating in and out of me. There seems to be a ripple effect in my present state consciousness. But at least, I am now a more appropriate version of my authentic self then I was before I chose to do this.

If I cannot go back into the past to save myself, then I will pull myself from the past into the present instead. What I did was a reverse of the butterfly effect. I have become the buttefly effect itself. If you cannot preserve one thing in the past that would preserve everything, then you have to take that one thing out from the past and bring it to the present to restore almost everything, if not everything. It's the only way.

It's been a short while, yah I know it's been a couple of weeks since I last blogged but let's pretend it's only been a short while and diffuse the transition of time. Kinda like the way magic works. And speaking of magic, I feel like talking about it these few days.

Magic can make things appear to transcend space and time. It is not only able to make objects appear to travel across two points in space instantly but it can also make time appear to slow down or speed up. This happens due to a number of factors such as the ambience of the environment, the tempo of activity and the pace at which things are moving. Take for example the tranquillity and stillness of the countryside. How it makes u feel as though there is alot of time and there is no hurry to do anything but to just relax and be at rest. Contrasted to the business, hectic and fast paced lifestyle of the central business district. People in that environment can become tensed, stressed and agitated if they're not too careful.

The only thing we need to be careful about is in 1Pe 5:7 Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.

I tend to use God's word now and then in what I write because it seems to be an indispensable part of dealing with the issues of life? Ok well back to talking about magic, I recently watched the Magic of David Copperfield again. I got the cd titled "Illusion". I realised what caused me to be so mesmerised and so inspired in the art of magic at the beginning. Magic is not so much about defying logic and reasoning but it is very much about what it makes you feel. The kind of emotions it creates, awe, suspense, wonder, enlightenment, thrill, mystery, delight, all the positive emotions you can experience in a world where anything is possible. Think about it, the world that we live in is a world full of problems. Many a times, magic seems like the answer. The solution to that which is impossible. That's why most people feel the need to believe in magic. It gives a sense of release, a sense of escape. In life, many magical things do seem to happen though. Sometimes we're just amazed how good things happen in a way that we're not in control of. In those moments, it seems as though something beyond ourselves is making it happen. And we can't seem to explain why is it so but we just feel glad and delighted.

Ps 106:1 Praise ye the LORD. O give thanks unto the LORD; for he is good: for his mercy endureth for ever.

We are not people of reason, we are people of emotion.It is not what you know that makes you what you are or what you will do. It is what you feel. Emotion is a higher order above reason. I believe that most stupidity is the result of people trying to argue against emotion by using reasoning. There is no reasoning when it comes to emotions. The emotion is the reason itself. The truest reason that anyone can give about why they would or would not do something is whether they feel like it or do not feel like it. This is so simple, it might either sound really intelligent or really stupid to you.

God is love. Although wisdom comes from God, the bible does not call God wisdom. It says God is love. Can you explain love? No. Love itself is the explanation. Although we can try to explain that the reason why human beings experience is the result of our neurology, yet our neurology is created in the image of God as well. The essence of God is love. But true love can only exist when:

Ro 5:5 The love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.

Emotion is the higher order above reason. And the higher order above emotion is Spirit.

So how to have the motivation, desire and drive to do that which is good in your life? Make yourself feel like it. We are more likely to act ourselves into feelings than to feel ourselves into action. Use whatever physical or spiritual means to create feelings that will cause you to act in that way. Feel yourself into action. Or you could simply:

Ps 37:4 Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.

I've been writing alot of inspirational stuff along, I guess I should also write abit about my personal life?
Haha ok, here goes what's been happening. I recently attended Module 1 course of RIA real estate course in ERA and graduated from it, praise God. But it's only Module 1. I am only eligible for Module 2 when I'm 21 years of age. So now I have the basic knowledge of what's it like to do real estate business in Singapore. It's my interest to be a real estate agent because I want to become an independent contrator rather than an employeee. I like sales and I like the buildings and land in Singapore. Different people, different locations, different ways of doing the job. That's what I like, that's why I choose this line. I'm still stuyding in Ngee Ann Poly though. This would be my final semester. Since I am a Malaysian, I do not have to do NS. Upon graduation and getting a job, yes that means I need to be an employee first, then with my diploma and my employment pass, I can apply for Permanent Residence. I need to have a PR and be above 21 to be an official real estate agent.

I revisited City Harvest Church last Sunday. I attended it for 5 months from June to November 2002. Then I went to Good News Baptist Church(@Woodlands EFC building) for 5 months. It's a great church. Beautiful, I love the cellgroup there =) Then God brought me back to New Creation Church which I've been there along and plan to stay for good. Wow, City Harvest Church worship seems to have changed slightly(the experience seems to be more powerful), but I believe that it is me that God has changed. This time I could really feel the joy, the passion, the beauty, the exuberating feeling of worshiping GOd with all my heart, soul and mind. It's awesome, I love Jesus and I love City Harvest Church and I love New Creation Church!!

I signed up for Friendster when I came out last year, but I did not use it at all for so many months until recently my good friend Michael Melvin influenced me to start using it. So there, I am reactivating my Frienster account and adding friends. So if you're reading my blog, hi there =)

When frustration and strife comes in, just remember, to be disappointed with self is to have trusted in self. In the flesh dwells nothing good. So we cannot expect anything good from the flesh. Sure, we are a new creation therefore we are supposed to walk in love, joy, peace, goodness and faith. But those are the effects and not the cause. We cannot produce them in ourselves at all. They are the result of God's grace working in us.

Today is the day where I believe I have received a higher level of God's revelation of his transforming grace than I ever did b4. This time I believe I know it much more personally. Forget the past. Never mind whatever nonsense that has been in my life before. Now, I have come to realise the truth. The New Covernant is based on forgiveness of sins. God does not see your rebellion anymore, he sees the blood of Jesus covering it.

The place of mercy is where God speaks. If you walk with a consciousness of "For he is good and his mercies endures forever" you will know God's will in your heart and in your mind each and every day. The safety valve in the new covernant is that if you believe God has forgiven all your sins, he will write his laws in your heart and mind. Hebrews 8:10
He will guide you from within. Right living is the effect. Right believing is the cause.

The only reason why we are not blessed is not because of our sins, since all of it from the day we're born until the day we die has been taken care off by the blood of Jesus. The only reason is because of unbelief. If you are in the holiest place, you are most protected and most blessed. If you know that God will never ever again deal with you according to your sins, you can enter into the Holiest place and abide there, take your matress along. You can draw close to God with boldness according to a new and LIving way!

The more we believe God has forgiven all our sins, the more healed we will be! Psalms 103:3. We stand because we are planted on Jesus redemptive work on the cross. All our hope is based on nothing but Jesus blood and righteousness alone! All other ground is sinking sand.

When you feel that your beliefs are falling apart, put them in Jesus's hands. Whatever is in his hands is blessed for sure! Every blessing and every achievement that you have is from Jesus. And it is all for Jesus! God wants you blessed, he wants you whole and lacking nothing in every area of your life whether be it financial, physical, social, emotional, mental and spiritual because it glorifies what his Son did. 2 Cor 1:20
The bible says that Col 1:17 He is before all things, and by him all things consist. (which means all things are held together by Jesus) Put Christ in the centre of your universe. You will become a more congruent and intergrated person because every area of your life will be held together by Jesus.

Remember even when you fail you, you are still forgiven. Because Christ is the measure of your acceptance to the Father. He is the measure of your righteousness. And we know all true success is based upon righteousness. Romans 4:13
Being conscious of this is the way that will bring untold blessings into our lives!

When you are angry, you find that you become very confident. In life, it is good to be very analytical and positive thinking. But what you really need to truly do anything in life is the DRIVE which COMPELS you to ENGAGE your very BEING into the very activity that you must PURPOSEFULLY choose to be involved in. Consciousness - Most in this world people are not even conscious at all. They are just walking around, doing the things they do, living life in a state that is to a great degree, very much run by an uncontrolled subconcious mind.

The true drive of a human being which exist at the instinctive level of fight or flight can only be truly brought out when a person is provoked out of a situation of real frustration which can really be over anything. It brings on an overwhelmingly forceful power that can either be used to fix things or destroy them completely. This is a situation that really needs the grace of God, the peace of God and that super assurance of God that could set a calm upon the stormy and raging seas of our mind, internal representations and physiology. It takes his very hand of might and invisible love to allign and redirect whatever conflicts and/or devastations that have occured to something that is of greater good and greater glory according to his predestined and expected end of his very own Sons and Daughters in Christ Jesus. And there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING we could do or even choose to do out of our own strength or willpower in those situations to help it because we just can't. It is by PURE GRACE and the power of his Holy Spirit that works things within and without of us to bring victory and glory in the midst of all the evil that has occured.

Conversation - Many people are simply talking things to other people who don't know, don't care and can't even be bothered about. These people are simply annoying the hell out of them even though they don't know and the other party may or may not know it as well. Whatever it is, the subconscious is still annoyed because our brains function on an unalterable operational code of having the IMPERATIVE and COMPULSORY purpose of making TRULY efficient use of all of your body's resources. Whether you like it or not, that's the way we were designed to be and it's absolutely good for us (there is no dispute to this even if you beg to differ). So the point is - let's talk about stuff that you, I and WE BOTH like to talk about. Otherwise just keep quiet(Shut Up!) =)

When all else fails...(all else should fail actually if Christ is not in it), just remember... the bible says Col 1:17 He is before all things, and by him all things consist. All things are held together by Jesus Christ. So just put those things into his hands, and put him in the center of those things. Because whatever is in his hands will be blessed. And whatever that is falling apart by which you have no control over, just leave it to him because when you are Christ Centred(meaning you place Christ at the centre of your consciousness), those things will become intergrated and you will become a more congruent person, inside and outside.

Hey I'm not writing all these because I'm so smart or something. I'm undergoing some frustrations and stuggles right right now which are quite intense but hey, thank God the messages that come from my Church at the moment are exactly what I need and just at the time when I need to hear them. So no worries. Be cool eh? Fear not only believe...

Ps 121:7 The LORD shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul.

Pr 10:6 Blessings are upon the head of the just

Ro 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

Isa 41:13 For I the LORD thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.

De 28:2 And all these blessings shall come on thee, and overtake thee, if thou shalt hearken unto the voice of the LORD thy God.

Don't you see, it's nothing of our part but all of God's part?(I'm talking to myself and probably to many others I hope). Our "part" is only to remember what God's word has promised about his faithfullness, his power, his goodness and his love. That is what it means to harken unto the voice of God. Because when we are down to zero, the only thing that comes out are our instincts. If God's word is our instincts, we win everytime. But obviously that's not the case for many of us. That's why we need to meditate upon His Word over and over again until our subconscious is reprogrammed with it. But God is gracious. For he is good and his mercy endures forever...